


trauma.

by dadolizzl



Category: GermanLetsPlay - Fandom, freedomsquad, fsq, maudado - Fandom, paluten, zombey
Genre: Depression, Other, Trauma, freedomsquad - Freeform, fsq - Freeform, germanletsplay - Freeform, maudado - Freeform, paluten - Freeform, tiny rape mention!, zombey - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:14:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21858877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dadolizzl/pseuds/dadolizzl
Summary: trust, healing and silenced hurting.
Kudos: 6





	trauma.

‘ready?’  
manuel nodded, and although maurice couldn't see it, he knew he did. he knew that manuel's throat was choked up, he knew his friend felt hard to breathe.  
 _user joined your channel_.  
and then he heard it.  
‘ _hello_.’  
it was just one simple word, but all the hairs in manuel's body turned up and he felt like he was going to collapse just about right now.  
and when he heard that voice, he remembered, for the first time in a long time he finally remembered, whether he wanted to or not.  
every ‘ _stop_ ’  
every ‘ _no_ ’  
every ‘ _don’t do that_ ’  
every ‘ _please leave me alone_ ’  
every ‘ _don’t touch me_ ’  
every ‘ _i don't want this_ ’  
every fucking broken ‘ _please_.’  
that promise to himself to never forgive that man.  
it all shot through his head and suddenly he got nauseous. nauseous and dizzy, so much, he flew off his chair.

‘manu?’  
‘sorry..’  
‘are you okay?’  
'yes, yes. i mean no, yes.'  
maurice knew anyway.  
'do you have someone with you? you're not home _alone_ , are you?'  
with the word 'alone' manuel's stomach cramped up again.  
was he really alone? ever since he woke up from his little ‘nap’, his head thought differently. in fear. he was sure that he was alone, after all he lived alone and never had any visitors over. he was aware that he was the only person in the house.   
and yet he was afraid.  
'manuel?'  
‘no. i-i mean yes. i’m alone.'  
'you don't want to try it again, do you?'  
another stomach cramp.   
no, he certainly didn't want to try it again. he never wanted to hear that voice again.  
apparently his silence was explanation enough, because his best friend just hummed thoughtfully.  
'alright. i didn't know it was going to hit you as badly, i'm sorry.'  
please don’t apologize. please don’t be sorry. you don't know anything. you think the world is precious and beautiful, you think your friends are nice and great. you think, but you don't know. and it pains you, i know it does.  
'no, I’M sorry. i'm sorry that you’ve been tripping in the dark for all these years just because i’m too much of a coward. too much of a coward to stand by what happened, too cowardly to process it. and yet you still try to help me, always. you don’t deserve that, maudado.'  
maurice laughed briefly. manuel loved his laugh. it was so bright and pure.  
'manu, please don’t ever say anything like that again. i will never urge you to tell me what happened, but will of course stay with you and help you. i respect that, you know i do. of course, i want to know what happened. he’s my friend too, it’s normal. but you have all the time of the world, please don’t ever stress yourself. processing a trauma, especially all by yourself, is a huge hurdle and i'm super proud of you, proud of your courage. just a year ago you said you would never manage to get up again. you told me you’d have to take your own life. that hurt me, really. but now you’re standing here, even if you’re not in the state you wish to be in, you’re here. you manage every day, and just getting up to talk to me every day is so so great, manu. and i’ll certainly never get tired of it, that’s a promise i give you.'  
hot tears ran down his cheek, he felt them crawling down his neck and flowing into his hoodie. everything in him felt hot, strained. and still somehow safe. he loved his best friend. he loved him more than anything, because he respected him. not like _him_.  
‘thank you, maurice.’  
and slowly, his wet mouth turned into a light, tender smile.


End file.
